I'm Not Going to Leave You
by HappyMe-O
Summary: Sanji and Zoro are dateing. Its Christmas time an Sanji has a problem he is scared to tell Zoro about. What happens when Zoro finds out and Sanji can't do anything about it? SanZo ZoSan


**A/N: Merry Christmas AllBlueChaser! This is for you!**

**AU **

**romance/drama/hurt/comfort**

**Rated M**

**SanjixZoro**

**Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece.**

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I'm Not Going to Leave You.

~**X**~

Sanji shook slightly as he sat on the cold ground just outside of, what he called, home. His eyes were red and watery, breathing slightly heavy. He took a deep but shaky breath and rubbed gently at his eyes. Once his breathing was steady again he stood back to his feet and brushed himself off from any dirt.

He stuffed his hand into his coat pocket and took out a fresh cigarette, slipping it into his lips; he lit it with a lighter and took a few drags. A cigarette always helped when he had one of his "spills." Panic attacks in which haunted his life since he was young, something he hasn't told anyone about, not even that special person.

Thinking about him, it brought a smile to his face. He glanced to his watch and silently cursed; he was running late. Quickly he made it over to his car, and just as he got the keys out his phone rang. "Shit," he cursed answering the cell as soon as he got into the driver's seat.

"Hello?"

"_Hey_," said a gruff voice on the other end. Sanji smiled knowing well who it was.

"Hey, Baby what's up?" he said in response, pressing his phone to his ear and shoulder as he started the car, letting it warm up.

"_Can you pick me up_?

"Of course, I'll be at your place in five minutes," Sanji said, grabbing a small pill bottle from his bag and popped one in his mouth, swallowing it dry.

"_All right, see you then, love ya."_

"Love you too," Sanji said, and hung up his day finally looking bright. Then again Zoro always made him smile.

~**X**~

It didn't take long for Sanji to arrive at Zoro's apartment and Zoro was out front waiting for him. The greenhead smiled, waved, and ran right over to the car. He got into the passenger seat and gave Sanji a kiss on the cheek.

The little jester warmed Sanji's heart and he gave Zoro a large smile and a kiss in return, this one on the lips. "Mmm Good Morning to me," the blonde said with a chuckle.

Zoro grinned and buckled up, dropping his bag in the back. "Yes it is. Are we going to be late?"

Sanji shook his head as he drove away from the apartment and into the street. "Nah, we'll have some time to spare to be honest. That means locker groping."

"Pervert," he said and turned on Sanji's radio. The song 'Santa Claus is coming to Town' played and Zoro smiled.

"Why do you always blast Christmas music?" Sanji said with a frown, turning the music down.

"Because I enjoy it. You should too," he pointed to the blonde, but didn't turn the volume back up.

Sanji just sighed and shook his head. Christmas wasn't his favorite holiday. He had to many bad memories with it. As a child his mother often left him alone on Christmas why she worked the streets, then came home drunk or doped. His father would never be around for the holidays. He was always gone on business trips, then when he came home beat his mother and locked him in a room while he did it.

He would listen to his father beat his mother and yell at her. He would also hear other men come in and do the same thing. That's how the panic attacks started. Even now every so often he would have one for no reason at all.

Once he was locked in the room for days with little food and water. He was locked in there until the police came and found him. The next thing Sanji seen was his mother dead on the floor, stabbed to death. He was only 8 years old when it happened.

From there he lived with his father until he was fifteen when his father started a new family and forgot about him. That's when he met the old man Zeff. He took Sanji in and taught him everything he knew.

Even so he was still haunted by nightmares of his childhood and had to take medication because of it. He had to be careful because panic attacks can happen at random or when over stress. It was something he was desperate to try and hide it from Zoro.

He didn't want Zoro to think badly of him. There were so many things that happened to him when he was younger some of it was to degusting to think about.

"Sanji?" Zoro said over the radio, looking at his boyfriend with concern. "Sanji, the light is green," he said, lightly touching the blonde's shoulder.

Sanji blinked a few times and wanted to smack himself for getting lost in thought like that. "Shit, sorry," he said and immediately continued to drive.

"What's wrong? What were you thinking about?" Zoro asked, not taking his eyes off the other.

"Just…, nothing I rather talk about right now," he said softly, making a right turn and turned into the mall parking lot. "Well here we are, ready for humiliation!" Sanji said, smiling a Zoro.

Zoro frowned some, and nodded grabbing his bag along with Sanji's. He hated when Sanji didn't tell him things. Sure they were only going out for a few months now, but he wished Sanji would open up just a bit.

There were days when Zoro could see Sanji staring out into space for a while then suddenly snap out of it and act like nothing happened, but Zoro could see that there was; something deep down troubling the blonde.

Zoro and Sanji had met in high school and were friends since. It wasn't until the end of junior year did Zoro realize his feelings for the blonde and asked him out. At first Sanji had said no. That he wasn't into guys like that.

But after a little perusing and nagging Zoro finally convinced Sanji to go on a date with him, there were a few rough bumps, but after a few months things smoothed over and now they were, so far, a happy couple. However there were still so many things Zoro didn't know about Sanji, and vice versa.

Zoro was ready for the next step, but looking at Sanji he could tell the blonde was not, or if he was he wasn't showing it.

The two got out of the car and quickly made their way into the mall and right to the basement locker rooms. Zeff Sanji's step father had got the two of them a holiday winter job in the mall working as Santa's elves.

One was to keep the kids in line and lead them to Santa. The other was to hand out the treat bags and take them back to the parents. Sanji always did that, letting Zoro deal with keeping the children in place.

Now in the locker room the guys took out their costumes and quickly began to get dressed. Both had to wear Green tights, with red and green elf suits. It wasn't the most comfortable thing to wear but it was all part of the job and the pay wasn't too bad.

Sanji turned to look at Zoro and grinned, he loved the greenhead in the outfit and that was another benefit to the whole thing. "You look really good, Marimo."

Zoro blushed and coughed in his hand, glancing at Sanji. "You say that all the time."

"And you blush every time," Sanji said, stepping over to the other man. He brought one arm around Zoro's waist and pulled him over, kissing him gently on the lips.

Zoro melt right into Sanji's kiss, kissing back and moaning. He pulled away from the blond and shook his head. "Later, we are going to be late," he said, his voice shaky from that little moment. Something only Sanji could do; make him weak.

Sanji nodded as he slid on his fake ears. "Good idea," he said and turned to leave. "Come on."

Zoro quickly follows grinning the whole time. He silently couldn't wait until later.

~**X**~

The morning went by fast and easy as there weren't many kids coming to see Santa Clause. But as soon as the afternoon came around Zoro and Sanji got swamped. It had seemed as if the whole town came that very day to see the man in the red suit.

Sanji was pulled away from handing out the treat bags to help Zoro keep the children in line and not to fight. Sanji didn't much like the idea, and often was pulled to the back or in the middle of the crowd by kids trying to get passed him.

Sanji started to feel nervous as the kids began to crowd. His breathing hitched and his heart started to pound and he felt a tight pain in his chest. _Not now! _Sanji thought to himself as he looked around at all the kids. There was no way to escape he felt things around him get tighter. "Ok…kids…,"he started but then everything began to spin and Sanji grabbed a hold of his hat, sliding it off his head.

"Sanji?"

He heard Zoro's voice but couldn't see the other anywhere. He didn't want Zoro to see him like this, and he knew Zoro could. He knew Zoro was watching him staring at him. _There's nothing I can do! This has to stop! _Sanji thought to himself, turning his body around in another direction to try and find away out. But there wasn't he was trapped; trapped around kids.

"No, please, move," he said in a whisper, gripping at his hair pulling it. His eyes wide with fear and sweat began to run down his forehead and neck. "Move, kids…, MOVE!" he screamed, falling to his knees his body shaking as another panic attack hit him that day.

"Sanji!" Zoro shouted from where he was, gently pushing the kids to the side to get to the blonde.

Everything seemed to go by so slow then to Sanji. His eyes were wide as if he was scared but they weren't really focused on anything at all. All he could see is his fathers angered face as he tossed him into the closet, and the sounds of his mother screaming for help.

He held tighter onto his hair and he didn't even feel Zoro when the other touched his shoulders, saying his name to get his attention. Nor did he feel it when Zoro lift him and carry away from the kids and their parents. All he could hear were the sounds of his parents screaming at one another and the sound of a gun, going off repeatedly. It was his nightmare; his nightmare was haunting him all over again.

~**X**~

Zoro wasn't sure what had happened, everything was fine one minute then he turned around and Sanji was falling to the ground. He swore he felt his heart fall from his chest then, and quickly tried his best to get to the other teen. When he got there, he thought Sanji was having a seizure and it scared the shit out of him.

Zoro rushed right out of the mall then, Sanji in his arms. The blond was shaking and holding onto his shirt for dear life. Zoro wasn't sure what to do, and just carried him to the nearest hospital.

It didn't take long for Zoro to get there and by then, Sanji had passed out. Zoro had even thanked whoever was listing that he didn't get lost. He never believed in god or anything like that, but he had to thank someone. Once inside the large building he ran to the nearest nurse and begged for help.

"I'm sorry sir, but you have to sign him in just like all the other patents," she said with a firm voice.

Zoro wanted to punch her right then and there. "Come On! I think he had a seizure!" he yelled, trying to keep a tight grip on Sanji.

"Well I am sorry sir, I can't help you," she said, and then walked away without another word.

Zoro cursed and looked around, looking for anyone that may be able to help. He wanted to just scream and beat up the nurse that just walked away. Taking a deep breath he hurried down the hall, looking for another nurse, and hopefully one that will help.

"Zoro?" said a familiar voice from behind him.

Zoro quickly turned around to see who it was and was relived to see it was his good friend Chopper; a fifteen year old in medical school. "Chopper! Quick it's Sanji; he had a seizure or something!"

"WHAT?" Chopper screamed, hands holding his head as he freaked out. "We need to get him to a doctor!"

"Chopper can't you help him?" Zoro said, hope shinning in his eyes.

Chopper blinked and nodded. "I know what needs to be done, yeah, follow me," he said and quickly led Zoro down another hallway and right into an examining room. "Hurry, lay him on the bed and remove his um shirt thingy," he ordered as he, himself got ready.

Zoro didn't hesitate and quickly did what he was told, removing Sanji of the red elf costume. He also got rid of the silly ears and the green caller. "Don't worry Sanji, you're going to be okay," Zoro said, gently running his fingers through Sanji's damp, blond hair.

Sanji groaned from the touch and shivered again. Slowly his eyes opened, they were teary and blood shit. "Zo?" he whispered, trying to focus on the other teen.

"Yeah, Sanji I am right here. Chopper is too. He's going to help," Zoro said, moving out of the way to let Chopper in and take a look at Sanji for himself.

"Sanji, can you hear me?" Chopper asked, shinning a flashlight in Sanji's eyes.

Sanji nodded, blinking at the bright light. He groaned and brought a hand up to block it. "Chopper, I'm okay," he said in a rough voice. "I," he paused and glanced at Zoro then looked away from the both of them. He didn't want anyone to know about his problem. He knew he should tell Zoro and the others, but he didn't want anyone worried about him all the time. Though now he felt as if he had no choice. "I panicked."

Choppers big brown eyes blinked in realization and he calmed down a bit. "You had a panic attack, Sanji?"

The blonde nodded whipping his hands over his eyes to hide the tears that threatened to escape. He wasn't going to cry or let his emotions show at this moment. No, he was going to stay strong. He was going to show them it was nothing big to worry about.

"Do you know why?" Chopper asked, writing things down on his clip bored as he continued to examine Sanji. Zoro just stayed quite and watched as he listened.

Sanji sighed deeply and rested his hands on his lap as he sat there. He felt so tired and weak, and just wanted to go home. He didn't want to talk about this now. "Yeah, I just felt too closed in. There were too many kids and I felt trapped in one place."

"Oh, I see. That can do it, but Sanji do you get them often?" Chopper asked, now checking Sanji's blood pressure.

Sanji didn't answer at first, not sure if he wanted to. He could feel Zoro's eyes on him and he glanced at his boyfriend. The hurt look in Zoro's eyes made his gut turn and he felt Zoro at least disserved the truth. "Ever since I was a kid."

Chopper nodded and wrote it down on his chart. "Okay Sanji, I'll be right back to get a certified doctor to look at you and write you out a prescription," the younger teen said and hurried out of the room.

Once Chopper was gone the room was silent. Sanji was trying to avoid even glancing at Zoro, while Zoro had a million things running around in his mind at once. He wanted to ask Sanji about this, but wasn't sure how too.

"Sanji," he said in a soft voice.

Sanji didn't respond but continued to stair at the blanket. Zoro frowned and took two steps over to the bed and sat at the edge, his back facing the blond. "Sanji," he tried again.

Sanji sighed, and he knew it was too late. He knew there was no way running away from the conversation that was about to happen. "Huh?" he said, glancing at Zoro and staring at his back.

"Um, how come you never told me about this?" The greenhead asked, turning so he was face to face with his blonde boyfriend.

"Because, I don't know, I'm sorry. I just, every time I think about it, it's not something I want to talk about or bring up. I've lived with it almost my whole life, and had to deal with it myself the whole time. I figure it's not that big of deal," he shrugged.

Zoro's heart broke as he listened to Sanji, and he reached out and touched the blond gently on the cheek. "Sanji, it is a big deal," he said, trying to keep his voice steady. "I mean, if this happens over stress what if you are driving or walking somewhere? You can easily get hurt or worse…, Sanji I don't want to even consider the possibilities."

Sanji shook his head and pushed Zoro's hand away from his face. "That's why I don't want to tell anyone. Yeah I know it can be dangerous but with you knowing you're just going to worry about me all the damn time and all I am going to see from you or anyone is pity. I don't want that Zoro! I don't want to be look at as a little weak blonde!" Sanji yelled, hands gripping at the blanket as if it was the only thing keeping him alive. His face was red with anger.

Zoro's eyes widened at the sudden out burst and he shook his head, grabbing Sanji and bringing him into a hug. "Damn Cook, weak is the last thing I would ever think of you. You are the only one who can match me in a fight, and who can stand in front of someone who has a gun with no fear what so ever. Sanji, I just want to be there for you, to help you if you need me. Isn't that what a boyfriend is for?"

Sanji chuckled bitterly in Zoro's shoulder. He shook his head and pulled away from the other, looking at him in the eyes. "Yeah, but,"

"No buts Sanji, I love you okay? Let me help. Let me be there for you, don't be afraid. I'm not going to leave you," Zoro said, looking Sanji right in the eye so Sanji knew he meant what he was saying.

"Zoro…," Sanji said, swallowing back the tears. He buried his face in the others shoulder and held onto him. "I love you too, and I know I should have told you. I… thank you," he said eyes closing tight. For the first time in years Sanji felt relived and stupid. Zoro wasn't someone to think they were weak because of a stupid little condition. Zoro relied on the spirit of the person. _How can I forget that? _He said and relaxed in Zoro's arms. "I promise Zoro as soon as I am ready, I'll tell you everything."

Zoro smiled and kissed the top of Sanji's head. "Good, and when you are I'll be there, shitty Cook."

"Stupid Marimo."

The two shared a soft kiss and chuckled. Sanji felt tons better now that Zoro knew, but still there were things they needed to work on, and stories needed to be told. But for now, this was all right. How things were just fine. Sanji liked how their relationship was, and hoped even though they got closer; they would still have their odd fights and wrestle matches, because well, that was the main course of their relationship.

Smiling Sanji felt happy, it was a new beginning for them both and he was looking forward to a very Merry Christmas.

**The End**


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